What Would You Do?

About two weeks ago our new placement kiddos were assigned a new case aid and parent aid.  These workers are responsible for dropping off and picking up the placement and for monitoring parent/child interaction.  They also work with the parent(s) on a slew of skills needed for parenting.  They play an important role in successful re-unification.

We have had a few interactions (phone calls and texts) with the case aid.  She is a bit short however we are understanding.  The situation (and reason for the post’s title) lies in interactions with our daycare workers.  On Monday it was reported to them that every time the kiddo’s are picked up the younger smells.  Yesterday the case aid came during a meal time.  The daycare worker tried to give the case aid a piece of toast (not jellied toast, just bread that had been toasted).  The kiddo started to freak out because when the worker refused.  She finally let him take back his food and made a comment to our daycare worker that she was just going to get him into the car and take the food away.  Then this morning when dropping our two infants off we were told by our the infant worker (a third worker reporting) that the case aid is very rude to her.

We love our daycare and also believe that the kiddo’s deserve a chance to be with their parents.  Cheryl and I do not want our daycare to become disillusioned of us because of poor treatment of others.  We also do not want a case aid who is short with us for reporting poor, unprofessional behavior.  I personally am leaning towards ignoring the reported problems until the lack of professional behavior is directed at me or Cheryl.  The problem that I have with that plan is the poor treatment of hard workers.  Also, my fear that the poor treatment is also present to the kiddos when we are not around.

What would you do?

Two Will Become One, Most Likely?

At the end of April Cheryl and I had our monthly visit by our case workers for both of our kiddos.  The workers had agreed to both meet at the same time because they were coming from the same office and would be able to use the car pool lane in rush hour traffic.  It worked well for us also because it combined two meetings into one.

The monthly visits are for the purpose of the workers having contact with the kiddos.   They can see them in Cheryl and I’s home and also so they can ask about the progress of the kiddos.  There is a form of questions that we go through and by this point we know the questions that will be asked so things run pretty smoothly.  The worker for our younger kiddo went first.  Everything has been progressing well for her and the conversation went quickly.  Then the worker for our older kiddo’s worker went and we reported the same type of progress we had seen in past months.

At the end, the older kiddo’s worker told us that by the end of May he would be going to live with relatives.  The worker told us that she did not have more details for us, but that she would let us know as the time got closer.  It is good news for him as it is a mid-step back to his home.  As always, it is hard on Cheryl and I.

In the last two weeks, we have heard no further news about when the transfer will happen.  We understand that the logistics take a lot to hammer out and that it all does not happen overnight.  Still, it is hard to feel like we are an afterthought to the communication loop.

On a side note, our kiddo who went to live with his dad in early April will be coming over this weekend to visit.  We had hoped he could visit for his sister’s birthday, but schedules did not work out.  We are excited because our now oldest placement still asks where his playmate is and when he might see him.  Transitions are so hard for these kiddos.

Thanks for reading.  Have a great day!

Inward

Today is our third class in becoming licensed to be foster parents.  In the last two weeks (we did not post after last week’s class) there has not been a lot of outward shows of movement.  It has been familiar like the ebb and flow of so many other months in the last almost eight years.  It feels very much like the “hurry up and wait” of the past.  

We have had a few inward pieces of progress; the first of which has been in finding a suitable location for child care.  Earlier in the process we had made a decision to go to one place however that location does not meet the DES requirements which sent us back to the drawing board.  Because we are more like casual onlookers into the foster world then the full throttle ones we drew upon finding another place to the ways we knew how; you guessed it first a Google search.  We found lots and lots of places but every time we would research a bit further they all did not meet the needs that we have.  Finally the good old fashioned phone coupled with a lucky Google search led us to two very good possibilities both close to the path to or from work.  Some time in our future we want to go to tour the facilities in person, maybe one un-booked Sunday in the next few weeks.

A second glimpse of inward progress came last weekend after class.  We took some time together to reconnect.  Sure we do lots of things together and do not have lots of non-work related time apart.  On Sunday we had some good old fashioned bonding time.  Somewhere in the middle of all of that togetherness we thought of how special it is going to be in just a few short weeks to have another person in our home.  Home will feel different, but during that time that we were together we remembered how the different is something that we have been working towards.

The Saturday before last (which was the last time we posted) we ventured over to mom’s house to conquer another inward planning side of making ourselves ready.  This is more for the physical needs of preparing a home for children.  All of the things that a foster child needs as they are coming to a new place to live with different people.  In class, the presenters talk all about the importance of having a few comfort things.  Show the kids around, make sure they know they are safe and give them a chance to explore.  Because we have never been parents before we do not have all of the things that a parent would have had.  None of the toys, or the cloths or the diapers or the furniture or any other the other things that a parenting unit might have.  More over we do not really know the age or the sex of the child/children that will be living with us.  The typical thing for new parents to do is to have a “baby shower”.  After lots of brainstorming and debate we have decided to have a “welcome to parenting party”  even though we know that some feel this is some sign of greed.  Everyone will have their own opinion of our choice but for those of you who have followed our journey can see that it is just another piece of our puzzle.

Today, like last Saturday and the Saturday before that we will drive to Mesa (which sounds like an outward sign).  This drive already feels like routine.  Already feels like the high and lows of a reproductive cycle.  Just the thing that we do in the normal way and flow of trying to be parents.  For almost eight years we have found some much normalcy in going through that cycle.  One difference between this circle and the others in the past is the closeness that we now feel to finding an outcome of something other than a BFN.

To come… weeks 3, 4 and 5 of classes; home study (which we have not been scheduled for); welcoming to parenting party, placement and the life with helping to raise a child/some children.